sigh~

can't find a job! haha, today went to enquired about the 'yakun' bread shop. but i got rejected. haha! that's was funny, they don't want students. well, guess i'm not gonna be a kopi kia. keke. and seriously i think my blog is dead. lol, seldom update siao. hehe. hopefully i can be faithfully to this blog and come diligently for updates. i'm praying for a better job, though i'm not gonna care what job that's coming its way for me. i just hope that by this week i can get a job if not i'll go back to my cell life. :) which is good so that i can focus more on God too? not a bad idea, ;| ok la, gtg. peace out, zR.

Just wanna add.

this is the day. i returned simon the money i owe to him. i just wanna say that my *below post* is what i felt, i have nothing against anyone or anything. just glad that nothing happened, btw i'm going sentosa with my friends. wohoooo, hope to really enjoy this time and not think of anything already. Bless today, let there be no rain so that we can enjoy there today, amen! gonna thank chaoyang and jason, thanks bros. not forgetting paul and gloria's warm welcome yesterday for the food. thanks! i really eat till i bloted(is that how u spell it)? shurgs. well, think it's time for me to go already. thank god for this perfect closure. all things happen of a reason. God bless, zR.

Surely it is!

though it has been a while since i posted, i really wanna update those that really care about me. thanks for being there for when i really needed u guys. thanks also to esther meimei that u still read my blog for update though i seldom update. but i'm fine just that, well, things aren't going good for me regarding my friend. i've been thinking thru and processing, could i be the problem? maybe the real problem is that we can't communicate well so things happened this way. i guess this is the lord's time, because things are always in control when i let God handle it. i'm really at lost, because i can't really accept that how can a guy can put a brother even to his heart and cares for him like a real brother. take it that i'm strange, but can u accept a friend that always put your friendship on the line and that when u don't not listen to him, he takes a big fuss out of it? i'm already having headaches due to the fact that i also need to care for my gf. i cannot give u all the attention that u needed. i apologise for that, but why cant u accept me as i am? why are u always trying to change me, always wanna control me in whatever i wanted to do. i know u care, but sometimes u don't even give me the freedom that i needed. even my father is giving me the freedom to do what i want. i'm not saying that i don't care about ur feelings but sometimes u are doing things to the very extreme, do u know that? sometimes i really wonder what are u really thinking about, this set me thinking, are u trying to maintain our friendship thru testing and putting it on the line, so that when i heed ur words then only i'm ur brother and friend? ur thinking of friendship might be wrong let me tell u that, it was because u always wanted friends to be yours but in fact they were never yours. we have our own thinkings which u cannot change because if we change, we aren't ourselves. do you know that? simon, i just really hope that u'll understand me. not that i really wanted to end this friendship, u forced me to because everyday when i see u, i'm being pinned to the wall with no where to run. u understand me? whenever u ask US what we think about u, as a true friend, i wouldn't want to lie to u and say all those words just to pleased u. i just spoke the truth yet u gave an negative response. i'm struck dumb, did u know that? everytime u said, speak freely but can we? when we say negative things about u, the negative side of u will rise up and counter us back. "am i really like this to u?" "i'm a failure in life" i mean, why are u saying this. u are who u are. don't make up another simon out of simon. i saying this is because i still treat u as a friend but since this episode comes to this closure, i really appreciate that u are willing to help me with my studies in the past. but for now, i would like to keep a distance from u. because i just need to time for me to think and reflect on myself. thanks for always saying that u are there for me, i know that. u dont have to repeat urself, a true brother will not keep this things in his mouth but the well-being of his brother. may the lord guide u as we go thru this time of cooling down. God bless, zR.