it's been a boring day

yesterday when for svc, felt that sermon was quite a rush. didn't catch anything, maybe i wasn't in the right mind also. yesterday was feeling very dejected by everything, dunno why the feeling is still so strong. the "i-miss-her sydrom" is getting so ever strongly. like what my friend said, true love when gave out is very hard to take back. i dunno why i'm feeling this, maybe this was a testing that God gave me, i really need you Lord to give me strength to move on. time will never - ever let me forget you, but it has allow me to be healed in one sense or another.

""i gave you up was because i love you too much, i didn't blame you is because i love you too much. all i ever ever wanted to do was to love you, i guess the time has come to past. i told myself why bother to sms you when you're not even my gf, but i just can't stop myself from smsing you. do you know that? i'm missing you every single second, guess u'll never know. this feeling will be forever in my heart.""

i'm still hoping and praying for this patch up, but i know it will not come. the way i wanted things to go, it will go another way, i'm sad. i'm tired of everyday pretending that i'm happy and go lucky, guess one day i will blow up and everything will be a mess. am already in a mess, i duwan to pull you down, maybe you're better off than with me. hope u're happy with yourself now, guess it all crumbles down. i might just fall one day. HARD very HARD for myself, till then may i be awake.

today morning went to play basketball with some of jason's student or somehow student, it wasn't too bad. but guess i haven't been having enough food or water or sleep or the three of them. i'm having bad headaches now. tml i have a maths quiz, i hate it. well, guess it's time. for me to sleep, God bless me. no longer i have the right over my life, but you. only you can bring me alive, out of this lifeless shell of mine. i pray for your happiness for everyday, that u may be happy. for me, i have nothing else to wish for.

i miss you.

i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you? i miss you, do you?

i really miss you. though you have already let go, i still hold onto them so preciously. i do get depressed very easily, i really hope this *duan tong bu ru chang tong* is really kicking into my life. hard very hard. on the verge of breaking down real hard. i need you, just you. to feel my life again, it is only you that i will be able to live right again. take care my beloved, u are always in my mind,heart,soul. no matter where i am, no matter what i am doing, i will be missing you always. my standards of a wife are the looks of you, i will wait, no matter till when it takes, i will wait for you to come back to me again. i know i might be foolish but this is the only thing i'm living for now, even if i were to die alone, i will have no regrets because when that time comes. i know u don't belong to me. shucks, do u know my heart is crying? whenever i'm moody, it is because my heart is crying, crying for our love. i'm such a crybaby but who cares, life's become so tasteless. all i want is to be with you, i still love you alot a whole lot. i just love the way u are, the way u treat me, the way u scold me, the way we used to hug, the way we used to hold hands, the way we used to quarrel, the way you say i love you, the way you say i miss you, the way we were just being so comfortable with each other, the way u used to share ur troubles with me. i just missed it all. you are all that i want but i can't have you already. i blame myself everyday, nobody understands me. nobody understands how i feel, i guess only God knows. i'm sad, sad almost everyday though i tried to act like nothing happened, but deep inside i know i know that nothing will fill this void of you, nobody can replaced can you with my emptiness. only you can fill it. only you. i dunno what to say, i dunno what to do, all i wish is that u are happy. that satisfy me even if u don't want to see me already. i would be happy to know that u are happy. important is that u are happy, it doesn't matter whether i die or not. as long as u are happy, i'm most willing to die for you, i'm talking no sense. who cares. dumb me, someone understand me please?

my undying love is only for you, zR

tired!

school has been a torment to me this two weeks. i'm especially missing someone that was and still is important to my life. but i know that we are impossible already. sometimes i just felt very sad that when i think about it. i just don't feel comfortable every night i sleep. without someone's hug, though hard i will go thru this, can't really think of anything that could fill my life except God but i'm like not glorifying him by my actions. i'm a bad example. please don't follow me, though i know no one will. (: recently my gan meimei, also experience this. i felt so sad for her as i know she also had the special person in her life just walked out on her. i dunno what to say or do to encourage her because i'm pretty much the same. my parents are divorcing, though sad but i know it will be a release of this ten years separation. as least a closure for the both of them, whatever they want to do, i think they should know what they are doing. they are adult, i'm just their son i can't do anything. i felt so helpless. this is the darkest period of time for my life, only my friends are there for me and my good good God. i really hope to see her smiling and be happy because that is all i wish for now. seeing her happy will also make me happy though it's not me that is giving her the happiness which i also think i can't give her that, at least someone is more capable of giving that to her. i wish u all the best for ur jap testes that are up-coming. God bless you. as for myself, i only can self-pity myself to a certain period of time, but fret not, the lord is with me. thank God for this time.

peace out. zR aka ex