Surely it is!

though it has been a while since i posted, i really wanna update those that really care about me. thanks for being there for when i really needed u guys. thanks also to esther meimei that u still read my blog for update though i seldom update. but i'm fine just that, well, things aren't going good for me regarding my friend. i've been thinking thru and processing, could i be the problem? maybe the real problem is that we can't communicate well so things happened this way. i guess this is the lord's time, because things are always in control when i let God handle it. i'm really at lost, because i can't really accept that how can a guy can put a brother even to his heart and cares for him like a real brother. take it that i'm strange, but can u accept a friend that always put your friendship on the line and that when u don't not listen to him, he takes a big fuss out of it? i'm already having headaches due to the fact that i also need to care for my gf. i cannot give u all the attention that u needed. i apologise for that, but why cant u accept me as i am? why are u always trying to change me, always wanna control me in whatever i wanted to do. i know u care, but sometimes u don't even give me the freedom that i needed. even my father is giving me the freedom to do what i want. i'm not saying that i don't care about ur feelings but sometimes u are doing things to the very extreme, do u know that? sometimes i really wonder what are u really thinking about, this set me thinking, are u trying to maintain our friendship thru testing and putting it on the line, so that when i heed ur words then only i'm ur brother and friend? ur thinking of friendship might be wrong let me tell u that, it was because u always wanted friends to be yours but in fact they were never yours. we have our own thinkings which u cannot change because if we change, we aren't ourselves. do you know that? simon, i just really hope that u'll understand me. not that i really wanted to end this friendship, u forced me to because everyday when i see u, i'm being pinned to the wall with no where to run. u understand me? whenever u ask US what we think about u, as a true friend, i wouldn't want to lie to u and say all those words just to pleased u. i just spoke the truth yet u gave an negative response. i'm struck dumb, did u know that? everytime u said, speak freely but can we? when we say negative things about u, the negative side of u will rise up and counter us back. "am i really like this to u?" "i'm a failure in life" i mean, why are u saying this. u are who u are. don't make up another simon out of simon. i saying this is because i still treat u as a friend but since this episode comes to this closure, i really appreciate that u are willing to help me with my studies in the past. but for now, i would like to keep a distance from u. because i just need to time for me to think and reflect on myself. thanks for always saying that u are there for me, i know that. u dont have to repeat urself, a true brother will not keep this things in his mouth but the well-being of his brother. may the lord guide u as we go thru this time of cooling down. God bless, zR.