it's been a boring day

yesterday when for svc, felt that sermon was quite a rush. didn't catch anything, maybe i wasn't in the right mind also. yesterday was feeling very dejected by everything, dunno why the feeling is still so strong. the "i-miss-her sydrom" is getting so ever strongly. like what my friend said, true love when gave out is very hard to take back. i dunno why i'm feeling this, maybe this was a testing that God gave me, i really need you Lord to give me strength to move on. time will never - ever let me forget you, but it has allow me to be healed in one sense or another.

""i gave you up was because i love you too much, i didn't blame you is because i love you too much. all i ever ever wanted to do was to love you, i guess the time has come to past. i told myself why bother to sms you when you're not even my gf, but i just can't stop myself from smsing you. do you know that? i'm missing you every single second, guess u'll never know. this feeling will be forever in my heart.""

i'm still hoping and praying for this patch up, but i know it will not come. the way i wanted things to go, it will go another way, i'm sad. i'm tired of everyday pretending that i'm happy and go lucky, guess one day i will blow up and everything will be a mess. am already in a mess, i duwan to pull you down, maybe you're better off than with me. hope u're happy with yourself now, guess it all crumbles down. i might just fall one day. HARD very HARD for myself, till then may i be awake.

today morning went to play basketball with some of jason's student or somehow student, it wasn't too bad. but guess i haven't been having enough food or water or sleep or the three of them. i'm having bad headaches now. tml i have a maths quiz, i hate it. well, guess it's time. for me to sleep, God bless me. no longer i have the right over my life, but you. only you can bring me alive, out of this lifeless shell of mine. i pray for your happiness for everyday, that u may be happy. for me, i have nothing else to wish for.